#Narcissism #abuse #trauma
While all relationships have their ups and downs, some cause feelings of loneliness, sadness, confusion and constant guilt. Do you feel unloved? Uncared for? You feel you’re always treading on eggshells? You’re always trying so hard but you’re receiving nothing back? You are probably living with a narcissist. Read on to learn more about life with a narcissist. ( I had to experience this life too)
(Note:- this is not an exhaustive list and everyone’s experiences are different, this is based on a personal experience. If you wish to share your experiences, drop a comment below. )
I could ramble on about what a narcissist is but there is plenty of information out there. I will speak about what life is for the person who is living with a narcissist.
You may not initially realise you’re speaking to or having a relationship with a narcissist as some are amazing at showing their charm. Mine surely was!! I was promised the world. It felt like a dream come true. I felt like a true princess!!! I had been given medicine and fruit when I was very ill. The messages expressing unconditional love and the hours of phone calls expressing deep loyal love. You name it, I had it all.
The dream only lasted until they won my love, once they win your love and trust, you wake up and the true colours slowly start unravelling. The blind folds of love starts coming off. If feels like you are now living with a different person. That same amazing human, now starts showing a different side to you.
Now the person who couldn’t stop spending time with you becomes unavailable.
When you voice out your concerns, you’re the bad one? The selfish one? So you try harder as you don’t want to be blamed again or want their love to die down for you. You learn of their hobbies, goals and successes and help them achieve it, you shower them with gifts and money even when you don’t receive any back. You arrange candle light dinners, outings and celebrations. However, they show no interest but love being pampered by you. You’re now thinking this isn’t right but before you even think of leaving, they convince you it’s not them. “It’s fine you like giving gifts but I’m not a gift person” “I love only you and no one else” but where is the love I say. “ These arguments happen in every relationship, it’s just a lack of communication” you’re told. Communication? Even though you know it’s not communication but they are able to convince you otherwise. You try so hard not to make them angry so you’re giving your all. As soon as you voice something that’s it they will blame you until your convinced it was your fault but they may end by saying “I’m sorry anyway” but you know it’s not a genuine apology. If things escalate they now use your family and friends against you. Narcissist always keep the people who will help boost their ego around them. They have a good support network. If it’s not family or friends, they will ignore you, tell you you’re the worst person they met. Now you’re left depleted, you feel you’re a rubbish person not doing enough. You believe the hurtful things the narcissist says to you about yourself and you lose your self worth.
Now what is this doing ? It’s affecting your self confidence, it’s affecting your mental health. You’re now slowly becoming confused and scared. You’re slowly losing yourself. But they keep telling you they love you and that you need to change and stop fighting ? Oh no you don’t want to lose true love so you’re now pushing yourself harder. Don’t speak to the opposite gender they said so you cut out all friends. When they still show no care or love but blame you, you’re left feeling confused and keep fighting for that love they gave at the very beginning. You may have invested so much time and energy and love to them, you just push yourself to make it work.
The truth is they are selfish and self centred. They want to be the ones only receiving all the attention. No level of love can change them until they go away and reflect upon their own behaviours. Seek therapy and acknowledge their behaviours. Without this the survivor is the one who loses themself. I definitely did, mental torture I called it when I did not know what narcissism or abuse was. I was craving for peace.
You may even find you lean over to the narcissist to help you when you start feeling scared. You may start to feel lost and lonely. The narcissist has isolated you so much that you’re afraid now that without the narcissist you are lost in this world so you get afraid they will leave you. They watch you cry on their shoulder but you wonder why aren’t they feeling anything. ? How can the person you love be numb and emotionally unavailable? Narcissist lack empathy. They feel they are superior, the ones with the power.
But wait why are they constantly blaming you for everything but express love and desire for you? But also bad mouthing you behind your back. They are highly manipulative individuals who are able to easily change other peoples thoughts to suit themselves. I was constantly blamed and gaslit for years. What did this do to me? I lost myself, I lost my self confidence. The once bubbly individual I was, it was lost.
The narcissist won I lost. Life with the narcissist were my darkest years yet.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist that has become abusive and unsafe. There is support out there!!! You’re not alone.
A Narcissist and domestic abuse perpetrator can be the same person.